Don't Juuuuuudge me.

I have a tendency to speak before I think.  I just let things fly out of my mouth before I get a chance to really hear what I'm saying.  And usually, I do it with the utmost confidence. Here are some of my most famous examples, I have yet to live down:

Driving in the car, speaking to my aunt about what quote I wanted to use for my Senior quote in my High School yearbook.

Me: "I don't want to use a quote that someone said....I want to make up something myself....I like "Seize the day" But then I'm going to have to put that Carpe Diem said that."

Kath: "Heidi.  "Seize the day", and "Carpe Diem" are the same quote. Just two different languages. Carpe Diem did not say "Seize the day".

Me (completely confident) : "I'm pretty sure he did Kath, I saw it on a poster in Drama."

I know.  I'm Awesome.  They get better:

Driving to Tahoe for a girls weekend.  The girls, (who I would like to point out were all over achievers in High School, most were honor students, and in the accelerated classes in school, and excelled in college-I think they keep me around for comic relief)....were having a deep conversation around politics and history. Auschwitz came up. I turned to Roseanne:

Me: "Auschwitz. That's that Jewish thing right?"

Rose (holding back laughter): "Yes Heidi. That is THAT Jewish thing"

Whatever. Don't Judge me. Here's another:

I work in a male dominated field. At the time of my hire there were just 3 women including me that did my Job in California.  We had meetings all the time where they would gather us to discuss changes in the industry and roll outs of new procedures to implement.  The meetings were usually 2-3 days long and would include dinner.  Sitting across from the head of field operations at dinner one night I said:

Me: "Bob, I PRE FACED my conversation to you...etc. etc. etc."

Bob: Blank stare.

The next day at the morning meeting:

Me: "Bob, I told you yesterday, I PRE FACED (again..like you are saying two words) etc. etc. etc."

Bob: (blank stare- no comment)

My trainer at the time-Mark(who was also at dinner the night before) interjected: "HEIDI. It's preface not PRE FACE."

I'm pretty sure I lost any chance of being promoted at that moment.

Which brings me to dinner last night, sushi with Linds, Brit and Clay.

Linds: "What is this roll called again?"

Me: "The Godzilla"

Linds: "I get it...because it's so hot it makes you breathe fire."

Me: (dead serious-like she was the idiot) "Linds, Godzilla did not breathe fire."

Linds: "Ummmm....... Yes he did!"

Me: (Totally cocky) "Big Monkey's can't breathe fire LINDS!"

Clay: (my sweet husband, who has been dealing with this our whole marriage) "Babe, I think your thinking of King Kong... Not Godzilla."

I'm pretty sure she won't let me live that one down for quite some time....

Even though it's not real....I'm thankful I'm blonde...sometimes a girl needs an excuse....

Some more than others.